Haikus
If you choose to use any of the below haikus, please credit them to alexanderthepoet.com Thanks!
Looking for haikus that search engines said were located here? You may want to try going here then:
for Porn related haikus = http://www.alexanderthepoet.com/Haikus/PornHaikus/
for Politics related haikus = http://www.alexanderthepoet.com/Haikus/PoliticsHaikus/
for Celebrity related haikus - http://www.alexanderthepoet.com/Haikus/CelebrityHaikus/
"When Laundry Came" By Alexander The Poet 03.07.12
I came in my briefs
I wonder when
laundry's done
If my mom would
know
THE END
_____________________________________________
"Motivation" by
Alexander The Poet 11.28.10
They say, you build it
They will come, but what do you
Wipe off your face with
THE END
___________________________________________
"Steampunk" By
Alexander The Poet 04.29.10
I
once thought Steampunk
Was
what happens when you fart
Then
say, "That's right, boy!"
THE
END
__________________________________________
"Bicycles"
By Alexander The Poet 03.29.10
I think bicycles
They are very misleading
Cause they go one way
THE END
________________________________________
"The Chosen
People" by Alexander The Poet 12.14.09
They say that the Jews
They are the chosen people
Then why the small dicks
THE END
________________________________________
"Mustache Rides" by Alexander The Poet 12.14.09
I often wonder
Did whores enjoy mustache rides
From Adolf Hitler
THE END
_______________________________________
"Kind Beauty" By
Alexander The Poet 12.05.09
When
a girl is hot
Kindness
simply comes with ease
And
so does my cock
THE
END
______________________________________
"Anime
Cons" by
Alexander The Poet 06.13.09 My
old cock gets
hard __________________________________
"My Tiny Penis" by Alexander The Poet 12.14.08 _________________________________ "Painful
Tits" By
Alexander The Poet 04.10.08
Staring at young girls at con
Ah fuck, here comes cops
THE END
My tiny penis
If you humiliate it
Won't be so tiny
THE END
_________________________________
"Red Lobster" by Alexander The Poet 12.14.08
Hey you sexy girl
Your pussy reminded me
To go to red lobster
THE END
_________________________________
"Country Music" by Alexander The Poet 12.14.08
You stole my girlfriend
Now I will piss in your truck
Yeah, that will teach ya
THE END
A
huge set of tits
May
give woman much back pain
But
who cares, looks nice
THE
END
________________________________
"Hairy
Back Momma" By Alexander The Poet 04.10.08
The
hair on my back
Needs
to be shaved so badly
My
mom won't do it
THE
END
________________________________
"Funny
Balls" By Alexander The Poet 04.10.08
If
under my balls
I
tickle, I start to laugh
Thought
I would share that
THE
END
________________________________
"Proper
Burial" By Alexander The Poet 04.10.08
In
a girl's cleavage
I
want my whole face buried
It
sure beats the morgue
THE
END
________________________________
I came up with this haiku out of
nowhere when responding to a friend about his relationship woes.
"Reaching Out" By Alexander The Poet 07.29.07
Please answer the phone
Or get no more dick from me
Tell mom I said hi
THE END
__________________________________________________________
"Happy Ending" By Alexander The Poet
04.27.07
Better to come late
Than to just not come at all
But damn, she charged more
THE END
_________________________________________________
"The
Coming Of The Caveman" By Alexander The Poet 04.27.07
Ah, masturbation
It's so easy even a
Caveman can do it
THE END
___________________________________________________
"Mysterious Night" By Alexander The Poet 04.27.07
I really don't know
What came over me last night
Oh wait, it was me
THE END
____________________________________________________
"Love Is A Hard Journey" By Alexander The Poet 04.27.07
Before I love you
I have to love myself first
But I'll need your hand
THE END
____________________________________________________
"Panties" By Alexander The Poet
11.25.06
A pair of panties
They look nice and smell pretty
Before I wear them
THE END
________________________________________________
"Missing Kids" By Alexander The Poet
08.26.06
Haven't seen that child,
But, she's so cute to look at
When I eat corn flakes
THE END
__________________________________________________
"Please Repost" By Alexander The Poet
08.26.06
If you don't repost,
This haiku to 5 people
You will have bad luck
THE END
__________________________________________________
"Life Has A Strap On" By Alexander
The Poet 07.17.06
Life has a strap on
Because it tends to fuck you
Over and over
THE END
_________________________________________________
"Cock Mistress" By Alexander The Poet 07.17.06
Mistress commanded
To write her name on my cock
I could just fit "Mi"
THE END
__________________________________________________
"Itchy Ass" By Alexander The Poet 07.17.06
If your ass itches
Well that can only imply
Hair is growing back
THE END
___________________________________________________
"Mutiliation" By Alexander The Poet 07.17.06
My arms or my legs
Well if you must, cut the legs
Need arms to jack off
THE END
___________________________________________________
"Backdoor Slider" By Alexander The
Poet 06.07.06
A backdoor slider
In baseball sounds kinky, and
Walking with 4 balls
THE END
___________________________________________
"Size Queen" By Alexander The Poet
06.05.06
My dick may be small
So is a plane when it lands
In the grand canyon
THE END
____________________________________________
"Beauty Compared" By Alexander The
Poet 06.05.06
This woman asked me
Am I pretty?, I said Yes
Compared to a horse
THE END
_____________________________________________
"Benefits Of A Beard" By Alexander
The Poet 06.02.06
With a full thick beard
It hurts less getting face slapped
By many women
THE END
_________________________________________
"Assumption" By Alexander The Poet
02.12.06
A girl sucks cock well
If her boobs are rather small
Atleast I think so
THE END
_________________________________________
"The Dentist" By Alexander The Poet 02.12.06
Is it a good sign
If a dentist has dead plants
In their own office?
THE END
________________________________________
"Emo Girl" By Alexander The Poet
02.11.06
Depressed Emo Girl,
I heard that you like crying
Cool...bend over bitch!
THE END
______________________________________________
"One-Ply Toilet Paper" By Alexander
The Poet 11.17.05
Every time I use
Just one-ply toilet paper
I finger my ass
THE END
_______________________________________________
"Chokers And Collars" By Alexander
The Poet 11.15.05
Chokers and Collars
Look real sexy and so hot
Neckfat is hidden
THE END
_______________________________________________
"Jailbait" By Alexander The Poet
11.12.05
In the mall today
I saw a lot of jailbait
Pedophile heaven
THE END
_______________________________________________
"Jews And Money" By Alexander The Poet 11.12.05
Don't say Jews are cheap
Because they are not, they are
Cost Efficient Heebs
THE END
________________________________________________
"Rice Krispies" By Alexander The Poet
11.12.05
I like Rice Krispies
Why?, Because they talk to me
I'm an only child
THE END
_______________________________________________
"Hands" By Alexander The Poet 11.12.05
I value my hands
If I would ever lose them
How would I jerk off?
THE END
________________________________________________
"Man's Best Friend" By Alexander The
Poet 11.12.05
I love dogs alot
They lick me and hump my leg
But girls, they do not
THE END
_______________________________________________
"Payday" By Alexander The Poet
11.10.05
Payday is so great
No wait, I got bills to pay
Uncle Sam, blow me
THE END
_______________________________________________
"Chinese Takeout" By Alexander The
Poet 11.09.05
Where ever I am
I know I will always find
Chinese food menus
THE END
_______________________________________________
"Way To Man's Heart" By Alexander The
Poet 11.08.05
Way to a man's heart
Is through his stomach only
If he's a fat fuck
THE END
_______________________________________________
"Brotha Envy" By Alexander The Poet 11.08.05
I wish I was black
Black men have a lotta bling
And really big cocks
THE END
_______________________________________________
"Girl With A Strap-On" By Alexander The Poet 11.08.05
Girl with a strap-on
Are you sure you want to play?
I had taco bell
THE END
________________________________________________
"Love Is Blind" By Alexander The Poet 11.08.05
They say love is blind
Unless you're in Las Vegas
There it's expensive
THE END
_________________________________________________
"Necessity Of Tits" By Alexander The
Poet 11.06.05
It is my belief
That big fake tits are better
Than no tits at all
THE END
_________________________________________________
"Bad Weather" By Alexander The Poet 11.06.05
My dick does not like
To travel to cold climates
Cause it shrinks in size
THE END
_________________________________________________
"Good Weather" By Alexander The Poet 11.06.05
It's raining outside
Girl, please wear a white t shirt
So I can see nips
THE END
_________________________________________________
"Temptation" By Alexander The Poet 11.06.05
Do not tempt my cock
For what will come out will be
Not my fault at all
THE END
________________________________________________
"Being A Sexist Pig" By Alexander The
Poet 10.01.05
Sometimes when I stare,
At a girl's tits, it's because
Seeing their face hurts
THE END
_________________________________________
"Hunger For Fish" By Alexander The Poet 10.01.05
I hunger for fish,
But not so much for sardines
Girl, take a shower
THE END
_________________________________________
"Semen Speculation" By Alexander The
Poet 09.29.05
Does cum float I ask,
So I jacked off in a bath
I found out it does
THE END
_________________________________________
"Bananas" By Alexander The Poet
09.11.05
I
really believe,
That consuming bananas
Makes my farts smell bad
THE END
_________________________________________
"Why The Ass Itches" By Alexander The Poet 09.11.05
If the ass itches,
It is most likely because
Hair is growing in
THE END
__________________________________________
"Gambling" By Alexander The Poet 09.11.05
I'm not a gambler,
But when I order chinese
Then I think I am
THE END
__________________________________________
"A Cute Baby Seal" By Alexander The
Poet 08.08.05
A cute baby seal,
Is what my penis looks like
When I shave my balls
THE END
__________________________________________
"Female Viagra" By Alexander The Poet 08.08.05
Female Viagra,
Will be on the market soon
Cock ain't good no more?
THE END
__________________________________________
"Taco Bell" By Alexander The Poet 06.27.05
I feel something bad
In the loins of my stomach
Oh, it's taco bell
THE END
__________________________________________
"Ode To A Dead Corpse" By Alexander The Poet 05.11.05
Ode To A Dead Corpse,
Wait,
the body is still warm
And
she's kinda hot
THE END
_______________________________________________
"The Colorado Rockies" By Alexander
The Poet 05.16.05
Baseball fans agree,
The Colorado Rockies
Absolutely suck
THE END
_________________________________________________
"May
Is Masturbation Month" By Alexander The Poet 05.02.05
Did you guys all know,
May is masturbation month
To me, it's each month
THE END
_________________________________________________
"The
Runaway Bride" By Alexander The Poet 05.02.05
The Runaway bride,
She ran from her own wedding
But came back, poor dude
THE END
___________________________________________________
"Violence In Sports" By Alexander The
Poet 04.10.05
Baseball just started
It's not violent enough
I want my hockey
THE END
___________________________________________
"Cinemax" By Alexander The Poet
12.20.04
Cinemax at night
Softcore simulated sex
Just see tits, no cock
THE END
____________________________________________
"Ramen Noodles" By Alexander The Poet
12.12.04
Ramen noodles are,
So very easy to cook
I eat them a lot
THE END
____________________________________________
"Mapquest Sucks" By Alexander The
Poet 12.07.04
I looked on Mapquest
To get me some directions
But it was fucked up
THE END
______________________________________________
"Girls Make My Cock Hard" By
Alexander The Poet 11.30.04
Girls make my cock hard
I think it's their tits and ass
Oh fuck, I just came
THE END
______________________________________
"Limp Penis" By Alexander The Poet
07.14.04
A soft limp penis
Looks so natural and nice
I have one myself
THE END
_______________________________________
"Jesus" by Alexander The Poet 04.07.04
I saw The Passion,
Jesus
Christ looked real sexy
He
got laid I bet
THE END
______________________________________
"Seedless Clementine" by Alexander The Poet 12.17.03
Seedless clementine,
Not manly like an orange
It's a sissy fruit
THE END
__________________________________________
"Lap Dancing in LA" by Alexander The Poet 10.05.03
No more lapdancing
In Los Angeles it seems
There's still gloryholes
THE END
_________________________________________
"Alexandre Dumas" by Alexander The Poet 10.05.03
The Three Musketeers
Alexandre Dumas wrote
Something good from France
THE END
__________________________________________
"Krispy Kreme Donuts" by Alexander The Poet 10.05.03
A lot of sugar
In a Krispy Kreme Donut
Will give you the shits
THE END
___________________________________________
"Bouquet of Roses" by Alexander The
Poet 09.15.03
Bouquet of roses
So romantic and pretty
Sold at gas stations
THE END
_________________________________________
"Naming The Accuser" by Alexander The Poet 08.01.03
If you dare put blame
On a famous persona
Your name should be known
THE END
____________________________________________
THE END
"Two Hot Lesbians" by Alexander The Poet 06.01.03
Two hot lesbians
Kissing each other on lips
Makes men get hard on
THE END
___________________________________________
"A Wet Vagina" by Alexander The Poet 06.01.03
A wet vagina
Is getting eaten out well
Sadly, not by me
THE END
___________________________________________
"Sex With Prostitute" by Alexander The Poet 05.25.03
Sex with prostitute,
Is not free, it costs money
But it's a sure fuck
THE END
____________________________________________
"A Fortune Cookie" by Alexander The Poet 05.25.03
A fortune cookie,
Contains a message inside
You know it's bullshit
THE END
________________________________________________