Haikus

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 hai·ku 
  1. A Japanese lyric verse form having three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables

 

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"Painful Tits" By Alexander The Poet 04.10.08

A huge set of tits
May give woman much back pain
But who cares, looks nice

THE END

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"Hairy Back Momma" By Alexander The Poet 04.10.08

The hair on my back
Needs to be shaved so badly
My mom won't do it

THE END

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"Funny Balls" By Alexander The Poet 04.10.08

If under my balls
I tickle, I start to laugh
Thought I would share that

THE END

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"Proper Burial" By Alexander The Poet 04.10.08

In a girl's cleavage
I want my whole face buried
It sure beats the morgue

THE END
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I came up with this haiku out of nowhere when responding to a friend about his relationship woes.

"Reaching Out" By Alexander The Poet 07.29.07

Please answer the phone
Or get no more dick from me
Tell mom I said hi

THE END

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"Happy Ending" By Alexander The Poet 04.27.07

Better to come late
Than to just not come at all
But damn, she charged more

THE END

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"The Coming Of The Caveman" By Alexander The Poet 04.27.07

Ah, masturbation
It's so easy even a
Caveman can do it

THE END
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"Mysterious Night" By Alexander The Poet 04.27.07

I really don't know 
What came over me last night
Oh wait, it was me

THE END
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"Love Is A Hard Journey" By Alexander The Poet 04.27.07

Before I love you
I have to love myself first
But I'll need your hand

THE END

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"Panties" By Alexander The Poet 11.25.06

A pair of panties
They look nice and smell pretty
Before I wear them

THE END

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"Missing Kids" By Alexander The Poet 08.26.06

Haven't seen that child,
But, she's so cute to look at
When I eat corn flakes

THE END

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"Please Repost" By Alexander The Poet 08.26.06

If you don't repost,
This haiku to 5 people
You will have bad luck

THE END

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"Life Has A Strap On" By Alexander The Poet 07.17.06

Life has a strap on
Because it tends to fuck you
Over and over

THE END

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"Cock Mistress" By Alexander The Poet 07.17.06

Mistress commanded
To write her name on my cock
I could just fit "Mi"

THE END

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"Itchy Ass" By Alexander The Poet 07.17.06

If your ass itches
Well that can only imply
Hair is growing back

THE END

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"Mutiliation" By Alexander The Poet 07.17.06

My arms or my legs
Well if you must, cut the legs
Need arms to jack off

THE END

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"Backdoor Slider" By Alexander The Poet 06.07.06

A backdoor slider
In baseball sounds kinky, and
Walking with 4 balls

THE END

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"Size Queen" By Alexander The Poet 06.05.06

My dick may be small
So is a plane when it lands
In the grand canyon

THE END

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"Beauty Compared" By Alexander The Poet 06.05.06

This woman asked me
Am I pretty?, I said Yes
Compared to a horse

THE END

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"Benefits Of A Beard" By Alexander The Poet 06.02.06

With a full thick beard
It hurts less getting face slapped
By many women

THE END


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"Assumption" By Alexander The Poet 02.12.06

A girl sucks cock well
If her boobs are rather small
Atleast I think so

THE END

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"The Dentist" By Alexander The Poet 02.12.06

Is it a good sign
If a dentist has dead plants
In their own office?

THE END

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"Emo Girl" By Alexander The Poet 02.11.06

Depressed Emo Girl,
I heard that you like crying
Cool...bend over bitch!

THE END

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"One-Ply Toilet Paper" By Alexander The Poet 11.17.05

Every time I use
Just one-ply toilet paper
I finger my ass

THE END

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"Chokers And Collars" By Alexander The Poet 11.15.05

Chokers and Collars
Look real sexy and so hot
Neckfat is hidden

THE END

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"Jailbait" By Alexander The Poet 11.12.05

In the mall today
I saw a lot of jailbait
Pedophile heaven

THE END
_______________________________________________
"Jews And Money" By Alexander The Poet 11.12.05

Don't say Jews are cheap
Because they are not, they are
Cost Efficient Heebs

THE END

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"Rice Krispies" By Alexander The Poet 11.12.05

I like Rice Krispies
Why?, Because they talk to me
I'm an only child

THE END
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"Hands" By Alexander The Poet 11.12.05

I value my hands
If I would ever lose them
How would I jerk off?

THE END

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"Man's Best Friend" By Alexander The Poet 11.12.05

I love dogs alot
They lick me and hump my leg
But girls, they do not

THE END

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"Payday" By Alexander The Poet 11.10.05

Payday is so great
No wait, I got bills to pay
Uncle Sam, blow me

THE END

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"Chinese Takeout" By Alexander The Poet 11.09.05

Where ever I am
I know I will always find
Chinese food menus

THE END

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"Way To Man's Heart" By Alexander The Poet 11.08.05

Way to a man's heart
Is through his stomach only
If he's a fat fuck

THE END
_______________________________________________
"Brotha Envy" By Alexander The Poet 11.08.05

I wish I was black
Black men have a lotta bling
And really big cocks

THE END
_______________________________________________
"Girl With A Strap-On" By Alexander The Poet 11.08.05

Girl with a strap-on
Are you sure you want to play?
I had taco bell

THE END
________________________________________________
"Love Is Blind" By Alexander The Poet 11.08.05

They say love is blind
Unless you're in Las Vegas
There it's expensive 

THE END

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"Necessity Of Tits" By Alexander The Poet 11.06.05

It is my belief
That big fake tits are better
Than no tits at all

THE END

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"Bad Weather" By Alexander The Poet 11.06.05

My dick does not like
To travel to cold climates
Cause it shrinks in size

THE END
_________________________________________________
"Good Weather" By Alexander The Poet 11.06.05

It's raining outside
Girl, please wear a white t shirt
So I can see nips

THE END

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"Temptation" By Alexander The Poet 11.06.05

Do not tempt my cock
For what will come out will be
Not my fault at all

THE END

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"Being A Sexist Pig" By Alexander The Poet 10.01.05

Sometimes when I stare,
At a girl's tits, it's because
Seeing their face hurts

THE END

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"Hunger For Fish" By Alexander The Poet 10.01.05

I hunger for fish,
But not so much for sardines
Girl, take a shower

THE END

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"Semen Speculation" By Alexander The Poet 09.29.05

Does cum float I ask,
So I jacked off in a bath
I found out it does

THE END

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"Bananas" By Alexander The Poet 09.11.05

I really believe,
That consuming bananas
Makes my farts smell bad

THE END
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"Why The Ass Itches" By Alexander The Poet 09.11.05

If the ass itches,
It is most likely because
Hair is growing in

THE END
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"Gambling" By Alexander The Poet 09.11.05

I'm not a gambler,
But when I order chinese
Then I think I am 

THE END
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"A Cute Baby Seal" By Alexander The Poet 08.08.05

A cute baby seal,
Is what my penis looks like
When I shave my balls

THE END

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"Female Viagra" By Alexander The Poet 08.08.05

Female Viagra,
Will be on the market soon
Cock ain't good no more?

THE END
__________________________________________

"Taco Bell" By Alexander The Poet 06.27.05

I feel something bad
In the loins of my stomach
Oh, it's taco bell

THE END

__________________________________________

"Ode To A Dead Corpse" By Alexander The Poet 05.11.05

Ode To A Dead Corpse,
Wait, the body is still warm
And she's kinda hot

THE END

_______________________________________________

"The Colorado Rockies" By Alexander The Poet 05.16.05

Baseball fans agree,
The Colorado Rockies
Absolutely suck

THE END

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"May Is Masturbation Month" By Alexander The Poet 05.02.05

Did you guys all know,
May is masturbation month
To me, it's each month

THE END

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"The Runaway Bride" By Alexander The Poet 05.02.05

The Runaway bride,
She ran from her own wedding
But came back, poor dude

THE END

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"Violence In Sports" By Alexander The Poet 04.10.05

Baseball just started
It's not violent enough
I want my hockey

THE END

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"Cinemax" By Alexander The Poet 12.20.04

Cinemax at night
Softcore simulated sex
Just see tits, no cock

THE END

____________________________________________

"Ramen Noodles" By Alexander The Poet 12.12.04

Ramen noodles are,
So very easy to cook
I eat them a lot

THE END

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"Mapquest Sucks" By Alexander The Poet 12.07.04

I looked on Mapquest
To get me some directions
But it was fucked up

THE END

______________________________________________

"Girls Make My Cock Hard" By Alexander The Poet 11.30.04

Girls make my cock hard
I think it's their tits and ass
Oh fuck, I just came

THE END

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"Limp Penis" By Alexander The Poet 07.14.04

A soft limp penis
Looks so natural and nice
I have one myself

THE END

_______________________________________

"Jesus" by Alexander The Poet 04.07.04

I saw The Passion,
Jesus Christ looked real sexy
He got laid I bet

THE END

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"Seedless Clementine" by Alexander The Poet 12.17.03

Seedless clementine,
Not manly like an orange
It's a sissy fruit

THE END

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"Lap Dancing in LA" by Alexander The Poet 10.05.03

No more lapdancing
In Los Angeles it seems
There's still gloryholes

THE END

_________________________________________

"Alexandre Dumas" by Alexander The Poet 10.05.03

The Three Musketeers
Alexandre Dumas wrote
Something good from France

THE END

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"Krispy Kreme Donuts" by Alexander The Poet 10.05.03

A lot of sugar
In a Krispy Kreme Donut
Will give you the shits

THE END

___________________________________________

"Bouquet of Roses" by Alexander The Poet 09.15.03

Bouquet of roses
So romantic and pretty
Sold at gas stations

THE END

_________________________________________

"Naming The Accuser" by Alexander The Poet 08.01.03

If you dare put blame
On a famous persona
Your name should be known

THE END

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THE END

"Two Hot Lesbians" by Alexander The Poet 06.01.03

Two hot lesbians
Kissing each other on  lips
Makes men get hard on

THE END

___________________________________________

"A Wet Vagina" by Alexander The Poet 06.01.03

A wet vagina
Is getting eaten out well
Sadly, not by me

THE END

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"Sex With Prostitute" by Alexander The Poet 05.25.03

Sex with prostitute,
Is not free, it costs money
But it's a sure fuck

THE END

____________________________________________

"A Fortune Cookie" by Alexander The Poet 05.25.03

A fortune cookie,
Contains a message inside
You know it's bullshit

THE END

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A SET OF JEWISH HAIKUS BY ALEXANDER THE POET
 
***
"Wear A Yarmulke" by Alexander The Poet 05.24.03
 
Wear a yarmulke
If you have a huge bald spot
It covers it well
 
THE END
 
***
"A  Garage Sale Ad" by Alexander The Poet 05.24.03
 
A garage sale ad
In the weekend newspaper
Makes Jew housewife smile
 
THE END
 
***
"A Bagel With Lox" by Alexander The Poet 05.24.03
 
A bagel with lox
Makes a great appetizer
You may add cream cheese
 
THE END
 
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