The following poem I owe special thanks to Barrington Hibbert for giving me the idea...

"Dial Up Networking Connection"

As I look in to your eyes
And I offer you my service
I ask for you to just try
Just try your damn best to feel this

Tell me please, how does it feel?
It's very simple to connect
I'll plug one end on to me
And make sure it's tight and erect

Then I plug it on your end
The connection comes quickly
I need you to understand
How much your end means to me

We can make it a three way
And establish call waiting
Have me hold while you're away
And I'll be here masturbating

So please enroll in my plan
You'll give me satisfaction
Sign your signature and then
We'll make a new connection