"Religious Terms Explained"
A short story by Alexander The Poet
Written on Oct. 19, 2003

    Today, we say certain religious terms daily whenever we get angry, sad, or frustrated. The thing is, do we really know what they truly mean. Let us take a good look at some of 3 most common terms...

Holy Shit
   One day, the Pope ate some bad beans and it occurred to him that it was necessary for him to take a shit. But you see, because he was, the Pope, that shit that he took wouldn't be just any shit. Oh no. You see, that shit would be known as, Holy Shit.
   Since that day, the term "holy shit" has been used freely, daily, regarding any catastrophic event that occurs in peoples' daily lives.
   A student gets an "F" on their report card, they yell, "Holy Shit!". A man loses his job, he whispers, "Holy Shit!". A husband gets caught cheating on his wife, he definitely screams, "Holy Shit!"
   The sad thing is, we really have no idea what that term signifies.
   Holy Shit is exactly what it is. Shit that is Holy! So unless you belong to some holy religious order, or you are related to the Pope, you have no right to keep saying that term! The shit that comes out of your ass, ain't holy. It's just plain common shit!

***

Jesus Christ
    Today, many people freely yell out in angst or frustration, "Jesus Christ!", without actually realizing what it really means.
    It really means nothing, really. It is just a name. So unless you see Jesus walking by one day, don't yell "Jesus Christ!" It will make you look really pathetic.
    According to history, Jesus Christ was a savior and a good man, who happened to have a fetish for bondage. So why is it that you only yell out his name when you are pissed???   
    I suggest this. The next time you get pissed, yell out "Bill Gates!". It would be more appropriate.

   ***

Oh My God
    The term "Oh My God" must have originally came from either God's parents, or God's master. What else can that term possibly mean?
    Today, many people always say that term when something bad happens. This ofcourse could signify that, when God was a small child, he did many bad things. But I doubt it. Saying that terms really makes no sense.
    For instance, when I get aroused and my cock gets hard, I normally say, "Oh My Cock". It makes sense. Think about it. It gets hard, which makes me say "Oh", then it belongs to me cause it's between my legs, which makes me say "My", and I'm referring to my cock, which makes me say "Cock"! I say, Oh My Cock, because I'm referring to a cock that is mine!
    So unless you adopted God for 30 cents a day from Sally Struthers, stop saying "Oh My God"!

***

Epilogue
    So in conclusion, what is it that we actually have here? We have terms that contain the names of good religious entities such as God, the Pope, and Jesus Christ, but we apply them to horrible events that happen daily. Why is that? Perhaps, it's because God, the Pope, and Jesus Christ, could all be responsible for all the bad things that happen in the world? Hmmmm.....

the end